Conquering Psych Outs Q & A
Written By: Jerri Edwards | Written On: Thursday, August 28, 2008 | Updated On: Tuesday, October 22, 2024
Q - I know my family, friends and fellow teammates have the best intentions, but when they come to see me bowl, they give advice I don’t need, and it distracts me. I don’t want to hurt their feelings. What can I say to them?
A - In the context of competition, family and friends can be supportive and overall positive for bowlers. Along with any useful knowledge they may provide, their emotional support can boost confidence, enhance self-acceptance, and reduce stress. However, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes, friends or family can also cause stress, whether during competition or just discussing bowling with you away from the center. Common issues include harsh criticism, conditional support, excessive or inaccurate advice, controlling behavior, distress over disappointing outcomes, competitiveness, and envy.
The key for athletes is to think, feel, and act independently while respecting others' feelings and perspectives. Well-developed communication skills are essential for minimizing conflict and maximizing helpful and uplifting behavior. The goal is to draw what’s positive from relationships to benefit both your bowling and your ongoing connections. Communication is critical in families and friendships since the issues raised can be disturbing and disruptive if not handled well. Constructive communication can help create more favorable interactions and, ideally, resolve the issues from the athlete's point of view. Whether on the lanes or at home, mutual respect and communication are vital.
When advice is counterproductive, it’s important to confront the person and the situation in a constructive way. Be appreciative of their intent to help, but make it clear that their advice during competition breaks your concentration. If you have a coach, explain that it’s essential for you to follow only the coach’s input. A conversation between your coach and family members can also help establish these boundaries. For youth bowlers, open communication between parents and the coach is vital, as contradictory information can confuse the athlete and undermine the coach-athlete relationship. Even accurate excess information can be overwhelming. Family members can still be involved and offer useful feedback, but they should follow the coach’s guidelines regarding input.
Q - I’ve just entered a league with better bowlers than I’m used to competing against. I feel a bit intimidated and tense. How can I cope?
A - To improve your skills and reduce anxiety, view this as a great learning opportunity. If your goal is to become the best bowler you can be, competing at a higher level will be invaluable. Carefully observe what more advanced bowlers are doing. Soon, your game will strengthen by incorporating what they know. Watch how their feet move, note their releases, and observe how they adjust as the lanes break down. You can observe when you’re not competing and between shots, but make sure to refocus and prepare for your next shot by going through your pre-shot routine.
Goal setting will also help. Set clear, attainable steps in your skill development that align with a Master Plan. This approach will allow you to work on realistic goals and feel rewarded as you progress. Focusing on skill-related goals emphasizes the bowling process, which has two key benefits:
1. You’ll consider yourself successful if you’re improving and performing at your current potential, which will reduce competitive pressure.
2. A process-oriented approach, combined with staying in the present moment, promotes concentration and reduces anxiety.
At any level of competition, the challenge is the same: you, the ball, the lane, and the pins. Use your mental game skills to stay focused, relaxed, and positive. While you can learn from better bowlers, remember that only your performance matters when you bowl. Empower yourself by focusing on what you can control—your own growth and success. To stay calm, use relaxation techniques like progressive muscle relaxation or stretching if your muscles feel tight.
As you gain experience and skill, your confidence and comfort will increase. Congratulations on taking this step forward!
(This information is an excerpt from the book, “The Handbook of Bowling Psychology” by Dr. Eric Lasser, Fred Borden, and Jeri Edwards. Printed With Permission)
